I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
