He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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