How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
