I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
