I feel like abortions should bother me more
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
