She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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