At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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