Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
