also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize