We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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