hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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