is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
