Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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