he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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