I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
third nipple confirmed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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