No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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