Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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