He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
