I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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