Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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