Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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