you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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