Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
