I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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