dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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