i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
