hotel room ftw
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize