i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
