Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
