I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
