Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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