I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
