I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
