that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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