I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
