im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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