You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
