Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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