i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
