I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
