..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
