someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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