I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
