I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
