we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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