The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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