when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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