I will die if light touches me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
even my farts smell like vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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