what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize