Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
