There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
