lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
