Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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