I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
