tonight lets celebrate not being married
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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