Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
