Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?