I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You can't die you're my only democrat family member