So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing