look no pants
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.