I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
