Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
