Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
