Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
