i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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